Sex Before Marriage

Wedding Couple - MarriageThere is not a whole lot of teaching about the implications of “sex before marriage.”  Our society teaches us to be responsible adults and we are taught to talk with our children about sex and in American schools, we teach them to have protected or “safe sex” in the event it happens.

So what is wrong with two consenting adults having sex before marriage?

One, this is where all the drama begins.  For women in general, if they give this part of themselves to a man, there are certain expectancies (some unreasonable) that go along with it afterwards.  It is like giving away a part of yourself or sharing a part of yourself.  A woman expects a huge commitment after this . . . and this may not be true in some cases but I am speaking generally based on how a woman is made up.  She expects to be treated a certain way afterwards and when this doesn’t happens, there goes the first part of the drama.  She becomes more sensitive to things the man does afterwards and in some cases, she can become controlling and/or manipulative.

Men, on the other hand don’t read more into a situation than what they can see at the moment.  If a man asks a woman out to eat steak, to him it’s just steak.  He can’t think past the steak dinner at the moment. While he is thinking just dinner, she is thinking kids and a house.  She is imagining where they will live, what her friends will think of him when she introduces him, etc.  This isn’t to say that men don’t feel because they do, but I have only met a couple of men who were comfortable in verbally communicating their feelings.  I also grew up around male cousins and brothers and they were the “typically” described males.

I remember dating a guy I really liked – I’ll call him Ned.  (I don’t know anyone by that name)  Anyway Ned was very nice, treated me well, but because he did not communicate his intentions, I broke up with him.  Perhaps I was a little impatient. This is how I ended up with my children’s father who I will call Ced.  Ced knew immediately when he met me that he wanted to marry me.  I was impressed by that.  We got married and later I ran into Ned.  It was then, I found out he (Ned) intended to marry me.  Now that I think about it, he did throw hints but I didn’t know how to read hints.  Still don’t.  It is usually after-the-fact that I catch on. 🙂

What’s Really Wrong with Sex Before Marriage?

That said, the reason not to have sex before marriage is simple.  It impairs your judgement because it not only physically ties you to a person, but emotionally ties you to them.  It’s called “soul ties.”  You actually become ‘one with’ or a part of that individual.    This is why people have a hard time leaving bad relationships.

The good news is if you have found yourself in a bad relationship you can get over it by getting closer to God and allowing Him to heal your emotions.  If you begin to spend more time with “Him” instead of spending most of your time with “him” or “her” you will lead balanced relationships.  You won’t become emotionally entangled.

Did you know your emotions can be controlled by you?  You decide how to feel about a person.  I can understand why in some cultures, they just pick a spouse and get married, as long as the right qualities are there.  Spending time with God balances your emotions.

You will be able to truly have healthy friendships with people of the opposite sex and just maybe one day marry your best friend!  I challenge you to spend more time getting closer to God and allowing Him to direct your relationships.

Pray this prayer for friendships:

Father, I ask that you lead good solid relationships and friendships into my life and help me to be what I need to be to every individual I meet.  Help me to meet people that better my life and let me better their lives also.


Dating Advice Series

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